This would have the added benefit of giving you a reason to help your cousin in his war be it defense or offensive because of the added prestige you get for helping in someone else's war. I think you would determine the head of the family based on the family member with the highest prestige sort of similar to the way the republic mechanics work for doges. It would obviously need some changes but if various family members worked something like autonomous vassals it could work.
This new "liege" like system would work in conjunction with the current liege system. What I think would be a good solution to this is to implement a head of the family dynasty system similar to the way lieges work. Instead what seems to happen is they then become obstacles on your way to higher titles. Also, there's really not much cooperation between cousin's or various other relative types. While I know it's true that historically there were fights over succession, I think there are equally as many examples of family members working together to expand the dynasty's holdings.
There likely is the opinion bonus for same dynasty/culture/religion.etc but in my experience these brothers really wont work together like you would expect and often will do the opposite and fight each other. However, what bothers me is that after the father's death there isn't really anything holding these 3 dutchies together. Ideally, the game would distribute that as each son gets a dutchy and all of it's holdings. To explain simply, let's say I'm a ruler with 9 holdings(3 dutchies of size 3) and I also have 3 sons. While it's true the distribution of titles is a bit weird, that isn't why it bothers me. I was thinking about gavelkind earlier and it occurred to me why I hate it in this game.
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